


Panser Une Plaie

by joyeuxsoo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, M/M, References to Depression, Self-Pity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:40:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29400666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joyeuxsoo/pseuds/joyeuxsoo
Summary: panser une plaie (french) - to patch a woundHow can a straight as a ruler man fall in love with someone so different from him? Was it true love or was it just a youthful experiment?A story about falling in love, misunderstanding and hurting the one you love.Can it still be mended?How do you patch a wound? Or a broken heart?
Relationships: Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai
Comments: 10
Kudos: 32





	Panser Une Plaie

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there...
> 
> Its been a while since I wrote a story. I have been struggling these past few months from pain, both physically and emotionally. I was also experiencing writer's block and was so frustrated and wanted to force my self to write. But a friend adviced me to rest and renew my mind. And a fellow writer and friend wrote a beautiful healing story that got me focus on the right track . Shout out to @jonginniesprout 😊❤️ Read her works, they are amazing.
> 
> Un beta-ed so expect some gramatical errors. 
> 
> I just hope you'll enjoy the story.

Kyungsoo is having second thoughts.

Well he's having second thoughts since yesterday. No scratch that, he has had second thoughts since he found out about the reunion of their circle of friends since university. 

This is Baekhyun's fault…

*****

He has been adopted in this circle of friends since sophomore year. He is this typical nerdy and quiet student but got paired with Baekhyun in a project. Baekhyun is that loud, friendly classmate who wouldn't say no when he invites you to eat with his group during lunch.

Turns out his lunch group is a diverse bunch. From Broadcasting/ theater majors like Jongdae and Minseok. Business major like Junmyeon. Dance majors like Yixing, Sehun and of course Jongin. Baekhyun and he are Music majors but he is more into writing music and Baek is into performing.

They welcomed him and tried their best to make him come out of his shell. It was also there where he found his first love. 

When he first sat on the table where Baekhyun's friends were gathered, he was drawn to that quiet boy drinking iced latte. Saying he's handsome doesn't quite cut it. He is gorgeous. He has this pouty lips and sunkissed skin that glows. But when he smiled, it felt like the world became brighter and his heart fluttered.

Everyone knew Jongin is as straight as a ruler. Having dated and changed girls like he changes clothes. So Kyungsoo kept his little crush to himself. 

But seeing Jongin everyday and meeting him even at the hallways, since they belong to the same college building, not to mention Jongin naming him his favorite since he's also quiet unlike most of their motley crew, Kyungsoo's feelings grew. 

Their friends teased them and asked if they had magnets implanted since they are almost always next to each other. While Kyungsoo ignores the teasing, Jongin quips that they don't need magnets, he is naturally attracted next to his smaller friend which makes Kyungsoo blush. 

And Jongin is clingy to him. Saying he is so comfortable to be with. But Kyungsoo's discomfort grew. Because his feelings now have grown into much more than infatuation and it's killing him to just be a friend to Jongin.

Baekhyun who guessed about his feelings, sometimes took pity on him and took him away from Jongin but most of the time Kyungsoo just tried his best not to blush or cry in frustration.

Day after day, his frustration and his feelings for Jongin grew. The tall and handsome dancer is always next to him but also out of reach.

But one drunken night on their third year, after Junmyeon's birthday in his house, Kyungsoo found himself in bed with Jongin, both of them naked like the day they were born. His backside throbbing, tells him that they definitely had sex. He scrambled out of the bed trying to find his clothes when Jongin sat up squinting and barely awake. That's when he saw a multitude of hickeys he must have left on Jongin's chest.

"Oh my word, I did that?" He muttered to himself as he fished his boxers from the floor and hurriedly wore them.

"Did what? Hey! Why are you dressing up? Don't you have a headache? My head is pounding like mad, Soo. Let's sleep some more." Jongin lay down again, lifting the covers as if waiting for him to lie down beside him.

"I don't think you understand the situation, Jongin." Kyungsoo just stood there, finally dressed decently in t-shirt and jeans.

Jongin dropped the covers and sighed. Hands trying to find his glasses.

"I understand it well enough. It seems you are the one who doesn't remember anything." 

Shoulders slumped, Jongin gave up trying to find his glasses, remembering he wore contacts last night.

"So we're gonna talk again, this time sober. But then if you are sober, you'll hide again like what you have been doing these years. Like both of us have been doing."

Sigh…

"Kyungsoo, I may have been drinking last night but was sober enough to know what I was saying. I told you last night I like you. I have liked you since-"

"WHAT??? No… no, wait..." Kyungsoo interrupted him. He can't process this. He might have heard him wrong, Jongin likes him? That can't be… he's straight. He likes girls… 

A myriad of emotions could be seen in Kyungsoo's expressive eyes. Jongin could see the confusion. The look of happiness but then he also saw fear and insecurity. 

Jongin sat up, intending to come near Kyungsoo who just stood at the foot of the bed. But Kyungsoo's eyes grew wide and averted his gaze. Jongin looked down. Oh, he's naked. Smiling to himself, he looked around and found his boxers draped on the bedside lamp. How did it get there? Took the garment and wore it. Couldn't find his jeans but his shirt is all bundled up and crusty. Oh yeah, he used it to wipe the cum off Kyungsoo's chest and tummy last night since he can't be bothered to get up and fetch a towel. Giving up getting dressed he went to Kyungsoo and held the averted face gently to look at him.

"Please look at me" when the smaller finally met his eyes, his own orbs full of doubt.

"I like you. I have liked you ever since we have met-"

Kyungsoo again interrupts him, "I don't believe you. You date girls, you are straight. I have seen you parade them in front of me."

"Believe it or not, I was trying to make you jealous. I was fascinated with you when I first saw you. You are so pretty. Your eyes are honest and pure. They say what you feel even if you don't utter a word. You are so caring and supportive, even in me dating those damned girls. I got so frustrated so I asked Yixing hyung for help. This is a first for me liking a man, so I don't know what to do. Yixing hyung is also straight so he was hesitant but asked me one thing. If I am sure about how I feel about you. I said I am, so he told me the next thing to do was tell you how I feel. So I did." Jongin finished his explanation with a soft smile.

Kyungsoo just rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, you did. And told me while I was drunk and couldn't remember anything."

"But being drunk is fun, you were so honest last night. And I quote: Took you a damned long time. I like you too now take me to bed. End quote. And fortunately I did research or else I would end up hurting you. Seems my research was fruitful since you were moaning and screaming mo-mmmmh..." Kyungsoo covered Jongin's mouth and the smaller one was beet red because of embarrassment.

"Stop, please…" 

Jongin took the small hands that were covering his mouth and kissed it before holding it in his own large ones. Raised their joined hands to lift up Kyungsoo's chin, then he kissed the tip of his nose.

"Don't be embarrassed. You were so beautiful moaning like that. And I was so turned on because you liked everything that I did for you. From kissing your neck to licking your nipples, going down to your tummy." While describing every detail, Jongin lightly touched every part. Even tweaking Kyungsoo's nipple with his nail which made the later shudder.

"The best part was down here." Jongin cups the slowly hardening bulge on top of Kyungsoo's jeans. "All pink and velvety smooth. I truly wanted to taste but all I got was a small lick and you pushed me away telling me you won't last if I did that." Rubbing the hardening bulge with his hand, Jongin's lips were a just a breath away from Kyungsoo's lips. Both of their eyes are dilated with lust. Jongins boxers are tented because of the hardness it contains.

"Would you let me taste you, please? I want you again, so bad." Jongin pleads as Kyungsoo shudders as warm breath brushes his sensitized lips.

A loud knock shattered the sexual haze that surrounded the two, making Kyungsoo move away, red and embarrassed as Jongin rubs his face in frustration.

"If you two have finished breaking the bed, breakfast is ready. You two were too loud last night." Junmyeon teases the two behind the closed door.

"F*ck you! We weren't finished yet." Jongin shouted. They heard a loud chuckle as footsteps faded away. Kyungsoo grabbed a pillow and hid his face in it while he groaned in embarrassment.

That was the start of their relationship.

Nothing really changed. They are still always next to each other, like magnets finding their other half. The only thing changed are sickening sweetness and the unending kisses, according to the others.

In their fourth and final year, everyone became busy. Senior year can do that to you. Thesis, projects and performances. Everyone was edgy, stressed and tense. 

On top of it all, Jongin was to perform a really sexy dance with a girl whom he used to date. The performance was for their finals and they had to perfect it, thus Jongin practices with Anya constantly.

When Kyungsoo first heard about that, they argued for days. Kyungsoo's insecurities flared up and Jongin got fed up trying to pacify the unreasonable demands of his boyfriend.

And here they are rehashing old arguments, instead of making the most of their limited time together.

"Just change your partner, I don't like her. She's your ex for god's sake. And why does the choreography have to be like that? Just change it now. And don't practice too much. Practicing with just the two of you, that is unacceptable… I just don't like it. And you-"

"STOP! Just shut the f* ck up… I am sick and tired of rehashing the same old argument. I am sick and tired of all this." Jongin just snapped. He never shouted at Kyungsoo, he just argued calmly but this time it's just too much. He's tired, muscles and back aching. Exasperated with his partner Anya for flirting endlessly and not concentrating enough. Admittedly Anya was trying her best to get him back but he loves Kyungsoo so he mostly just ignored her. He doesn't even want her as a partner but their professor was the one who chose who their partner would be and what song and choreography they would dance to.

He didn't mean to shout but the damage has been done. Kyungsoo's eyes were wide with surprise and tainted with hurt. Tears fell and a muffled sob could be heard as the smaller man turned away and ran outside the dance studio where they were spending time till Kyungsoo needed to go back for their own project and rehearsal. He tried running after his boyfriend but he disappeared among the freshmen going to class. Defeated, he went back to the studio and found Yixing hyung and Sehun warming up. Seeing his weary face, Yixing immediately asked what's wrong.

"We argued again. But this time I lost my temper and shouted at him to shut up. I just… I'm so tired of the same old arguments. My partner, my practice hours, the choreography… as if it's all my fault when I don't even have a say on who my partner is and the choreography we need to perform. It's just so unfair." Jongin pulls at his hair in frustration.

"Did you tell Kyungsoo why you were chosen to do that dance? And why was it important that you had to perfect it?" Sehun asks.

"No, I wanted it to be a surprise if I am indeed chosen to perform in Paris. This performance will make or break it since the dance director will be attending our finals. And I don't want Kyungsoo to be disappointed if I were not to make it." Jongin admits sheepishly.

Exasperated, Yixing shook his head. "You are giving yourself grief over this? Hell, he needs to support you whether you make it or not. He would WANT to support you. You never gave him the reason why he NEEDS to support you in this. You never explained why." Yixing went back to warming up. Too disappointed in Jongin to continue talking to him.

It was Sehun who said: "Go and find Kyungsoo. Reassure him, he's jealous of Anya, I would be if I was your boyfriend and saw your choreography with Anya. God, those moves are bordering on sexual. On top of that, Anya keeps adding those small unnecessary touches. How can you bear that?" Sehun shudders with distaste.

"I'll tell Anya, no practice today." Sehun shouts after Jongin who ran out after grabbing his bag.

But after that day, Jongin never saw Kyungsoo again. Baekhyun said he submitted his thesis online to their professor and just gave them a demo recording and the musical notes and copy of his song to be performed. Refusing to go to rehearsals.

He went to his dorm but his room mate says he has moved out a few days ago and says he has an emergency at home. Asking Baek about Kyungsoo's address is futile because he hasn't even gone to Kyungsoo's house let alone know his address… All he knows is Kyungsoo had to take a train to go to his parents. He has mentioned it once. He never mentions his family. Baek says he slipped once and said he's never wanted at home. When asked why, Kyungsoo kept silent and eventually changed the subject.

Weeks passed without a word from Kyungsoo. Their friends are worried. They tried contacting him but his phone was turned off.

Graduation came and went, still no word from Kyungsoo.

The dance director from Paris contacted him saying he passed the audition and to be ready to go to Paris in a month. "It's good news!" Everyone said. Junmyeon even gave him a nice luggage as a congratulatory gift (he's rich by the way) but he couldn't find it in his heart to be happy. He missed Kyungsoo. He wants to see his boyfriend before he leaves for Paris.

A month quickly passed and his friends went with him to the airport to send him off. Unbeknownst to them a small figure wearing a black hoodie and mask stood a bit far from them watching and following them with a limp. Baekhyun left so many messages on Kyungsoo's phone, even in his emails. When he finally got the chance to open and read them it's already too late.

He was surprised when a girl with long hair in a ponytail suddenly came carrying a luggage, smiling up to Jongin. Anya? She's coming with him?

Kyungsoo turned away, tears forming in his eyes. It was a mistake to come. But if he goes home, it will cost him another round of beatings. And this time it may really cost his life.

He left the university when he received a message from a family friend that his mom was sick. He hurriedly went home, knowing it would be difficult to escape again. His stepfather is homophobic. Kyungsoo got beaten the moment his stepfather got wind of his sexual preference because he saw some BL manhwa in the boy's room. His only escape came when his mom gave him his dad's savings for his college. His stepfather never knew about it so he escaped. 

After four years he came back to this house. Mixed emotions swirl inside of him. Upset because of Jongin's outburst, sad because his mom is sick and angry because the moment he stepped in the house his stepfather slapped him and gave him a jab on his stomach. Then he grabbed the bag and flipped it open, taking his phone and wallet.

"You will never leave this house again!" His stepfather shouts as he leaves the house.

He took care of his mom and she recovered. Between them, they tried to find Kyungsoo's phone and wallet. They did it during the time his stepfather is at work. His mom finally found it buried under the lowest drawer in his stepfather's study.

He got his charger and immediately charged his phone. When he opened it, he was bombarded with messages from Baekhyun and Jongin.

Jongin's messages at first, were full of apologies, a few days later explanations, then after a few days, his messages were tinged with defeat and goodbyes.

Upon reading Baek's messages, he learned that Jongin is going to Paris to perform for a few shows. If he is well received by the public he might become a permanent cast.

Baek's last message was the date and time of Jongin's flight. Along with pleadings that he must come to see Jongin before he leaves.

He came…

His mom gave him enough money to find work and a place to stay. Telling him never to come back. Since his last beating almost cost him his life. Saying she's sorry that giving him money is all she can do to protect her youngest son. His brother Seungsoo even gave him some cash and a debit card. Promising to send money whenever he can until Kyungsoo finds work and can stand on his own.

Kyungsoo escaped and he came…

He came to see him, his first love. But it looks like it's too late. Grabbing his bag, he went to leave the airport, limping and wincing, hoping his friends won't notice him. Hoping they won't notice that he has a broken body and broken heart.

He found a small cheap room with a toilet and sink in a not so nice neighborhood. That would suffice his needs for now. It doesn't matter where he's staying as long as he has a roof above his head. After settling his bag and meager belongings, he went out to find a job. Not a lot of jobs are suitable for a music major. Ones that are readily available anyway. So he found a job as a shop attendant/cashier at a convenience store. And it's good that he only has a 15 minute walk to go to work. That way he can save the money for a bus fare.

This is a start.

A new life…

Without his family and friends…

Without Jongin...

*****

Almost a year has passed and it's nearing winter. He has no heater at home since the old one he bought second hand last winter already broke. Good thing Seungsoo hyung sent some money, along with some of his savings, it will be enough for him to buy a thicker blanket and a coat. He doesn't have enough for a heater though. He'll just have to make do with what he has. 

After his shift, he went to town to go to a thrift shop and look for a cheap but serviceable thick blanket. Even if it looks ugly, it would do as long as it's cheap. And a coat since his old one is already threadbare. He really needs it. Shivering even in 3 layers of long sleeves shirts underneath his old threadbare coat, he is really in need of a new one.

Coming out of the thrift shop, happy with his purchases, he never noticed that someone was staring at him. 

"Kyungsoo?"

That voice… Kyungsoo stiffened and poised to run. The owner of the voice must have sensed that he was about to flee, the man grabbed his wrist and won't let go.

"Let go, you have the wrong person." Kyungsoo decided to play dumb. He could really be someone else. He has shaved his head to almost bald and he now has a scar from the right side of his forehead to near his right ear. Everyone used to tell him he's pretty, with his thick, soft, raven colored hair, his eyes full of life and soft white skin. Now he has little to no hair, face sporting an ugly scar and lifeless eyes.

"No, I am right. You really are Kyungsoo… oh my god, what happened to you? You are so thin! And your pretty face, oh no!" Baekhyun exclaimed in dismay. 

"I said let go…" Kyungsoo tried to shake off the hand that holds him like a steel trap. He should have worn his beanie so he wouldn't be recognized.

"No! Not until you tell me what happened. Kyungie, please." Baek pleaded. He knows this is his only chance to ask. Kyungsoo might disappear again.

Kyungsoo sighs in defeat. "Ok, let's talk."

"Take me to your house. I won't make the same mistake of not asking for your address again." Baek stubbornness is really showing.

"I can't." Kyungsoo reluctantly said.

"Can't or won't?" Baek tightens his hold on Kyungsoo even more.

"Ouch! That hurts. I really can't. You'll freeze, I don't have a heater in my house, not even a chair. I shouldn't even call it a house, it's just a room for sleeping." 

"I don't care, just take me there." 

When Baek entered the room, he was doubly dismayed. The floors are rickety, the windows look ready to shatter at the slightest blow of the wind, walls are almost paper thin. The open cupboard shelves show a couple of canned beans and a few packs of ramen. There is a small electric pan at the corner for cooking ramen he presumes and some folded thin blankets in the other corner. There is also an open box with some clothes, Baek thinks it serves as clothes storage. Kyungsoo looks like a homeless person living pitifully.

Kyungsoo stood at the corner looking ashamed. He knows what Baek is thinking. 

"You should go. Don't associate yourself with the likes of me." Kyungsoo tells Baek with his voice almost breaking in the end. What he didn't expect was Baek crying and pulling him into a tight hug.

"Kyungsoo… please, tell me. Tell me what happened to you. You're my best friend. When you disappeared, I was so worried. Just tell me, I won't judge, whatever it is." Baek felt Kyungsoo move away from his hug. Taking the newly purchased thick blanket in ugly gray, he spread it on the floor, gesturing for Baek to sit. Gathering the thin blankets, he placed them on Baek's lap to keep him warm. Then he sat opposite his dear friend, who kept him under his wing and took care of him during college. He is procrastinating. Delaying the inevitable. Baek looked at him without judgement and eyes full of understanding. He took a deep breath and began his story.

From the day his dad got sick and that's also the time he got fascinated with guys and found the joys of BL manhwa. His father found out about it but he gently asked his son why he had those. Telling his dad he likes guys was scary but the gentle understanding in his dad's eyes prompted him to be honest. His dad just smiled and rubbed his head with his frail hands.

"As long as you won't get hurt and you are happy, it's fine." 

Not long after that he died.

His mom was depressed for a couple of years until one day she came home from her work smiling. It's been years since he and Seungsoo hyung saw her smiling like that.

They found out why a few months later. She has someone she'd like them to meet, turns out she decided to marry that guy without telling her children. After a couple of weeks they got their marriage registered. Seungsoo was so disappointed in his mom that he immediately volunteered to join the army. Kyungsoo was left at home with the newlyweds. At first it wasn't that bad. One day his stepfather barged in his room, holding one of his BL manhwa and slapping it hard on his cheek. Calling him all sorts of degrading names. His mom tried to stop his stepfather but got pushed aside for her efforts. Since then he has gotten a slap or two on his cheek whenever his stepfather sees him, so he has learned to hide and stay at school for as long as he can. One day a friend came to fetch him to do a school project, his stepfather saw that and misunderstood him for dating a guy. It was the first time he got a full beating but his stepfather is cunning. He only hurt him on the legs and tummy. The places his uniform covers. The beatings became so frequent and painful that he almost didn't make it to his highschool graduation. His only salvation was when his mom talked to him while her husband was away. She told him about his dad saving up for his education and for him to go to the university of his choice. Since Kyungsoo passed the entrance exam for S University, he applied and studied there.

"The rest you know, except for the end of our last year." Kyungsoo hesitates to continue but Baek needs to understand.

After his last argument with Jongin, he was so upset. Then on top of that he received messages from a family friend that his mom is sick. Thinking Jongin hates him because his boyfriend told him he's sick and tired of what's happening to them, he decided to go home to take care of his sick mom. Knowing fully that he will face the monster in his past again.

He told Baek about the confiscation of his phone and wallet, the reason he couldn't contact them or come back. The daily beatings that became worse and worse. That the last one gave him the forehead scar and almost cost him his life. Of him and his mom finding his phone and reading the messages too late. Of him escaping again and him going to the airport just to see Anya going with Jongin to Paris. And him leaving in defeat.

Kyungsoo heaves a sigh.

"I left the airport with a couple of bags and a limp, with nowhere to go. I never wanted you guys to pity me. I was too broken that day, both physically and emotionally. My heart in pieces. I just can't bear it If I see pity in your eyes…"

There, all done. He told Baek everything. It felt like bleeding the life out of him. Too exhausted from baring his soul he leaned back on the cold wall and closed his eyes.

"Idiot!" Baek flicked his forehead. 

Ouch! Opening his eyes, he saw a furious Baek looking at him.

"You should have shown yourself, you should have fought for Jongin! After you disappeared, he was in despair. He loved you and ignored Anya but when weeks went by and still no word from you he gave up. He just doesn't care anymore. He poured all his effort in dancing thus landing the part in Paris. Anya just always stuck to Jongin's side but he just ignored her. Even at the airport, Jongin's eyes were moving around. Maybe trying to see if you were there. Anya's chattering fell on deafs ears. Do you know his last words he told me? Tell him I'm sorry, Baek and I still love him. Oh god, Kyungie… and now he hasn't gotten into contact with any of us. I really don't know what happened to him." Baek closed his eyes in frustration.

Too late Kyungsoo, you are too late. He told himself as he tried to stop the tears from forming in his eyes. Too late for regrets. He slumped against the wall in defeat.

"So now you live like this? Oh Kyungie, why? Didn't you even know that the song you created was liked and bought by a top company. And you got big bucks for it. I just placed it in a bank account just waiting for me to find you. Now let's go and fix the necessary documents for me to transfer your money in your account. And let's get you out of this crappy excuse for a house." Baekhyun pulled him up to get him moving. Kyungsoo is still in a solemn mood but Baek won't let him wallow in self-pity.

Working like a whirlwind that he is, Baek just took charge of the listless Kyungsoo.

After the money transfer, he has enough to pay for a modest one bedroom flat and some simple furnishings. Baek gave him some clothes given by fans since they are almost the same size (he shot up to fame as a soloist a couple of months after he debuted. That was after he graduated.)

After a couple of months, he found work as a music tutor to aspiring artists near his house. But he never wrote a song again. He earns enough to live comfortably. Yes, he's living in comfort but he's lonely.

He begged Baek not to tell their friends where he is but Junmyeon saw him in a cafe after having a meeting with one of his students.  
Junmyeon looked at him with wary eyes, and said in an accusatory tone:

"Jongin suffered so much. Why did you just disappear? He was emotionless for a few months, only coming alive when he danced. It was like having a zombie friend. Good thing when I went to Paris to watch his show last month, he began to smile again. I am happy that Anya didn't give up on him. In all those months he ignored her, still she stayed. Unlike you who abandoned him." Junmyeon's accusations hit close to home. His hand automatically lifted and landed a hard slap on Junmyeon's cheek.

Shaking with anger, he spat the words.

"You! I don't owe any explanations. You don't know what really happened back then, you don't know how much I suffered. I don't need to explain myself to you but if you need some validation of my words, ask Baekhyun. He knows everything. Don't be an asshole to jump to conclusions when you don't know a single thing about what happened back then." Kyungsoo strode out of the cafe, head held high, ignoring the whispering customers around him.

After that, he received a bouquet of big and bright sunflowers from Junmyeon. A small note came with it saying sorry and asking to meet so he can personally apologize.

Apparently, he went to Baek and asked for the real story. 

"Junmyeon really looked ashamed of himself after hearing your story. I really gave him a good scolding for confronting you in public like that." Baek told him on the phone. "He also wants you to tell the others. So as not to create future misunderstanding."

"I can't do it anymore, Baek. You know how hard it was for me to recount my story. It almost drained me." Kyungsoo whispered.

"I'll do it." Baek firmly said. "They need to understand. I don't want you to be seen in a bad light. You deserve to be understood on what happened back then. I'll tell them without you so you won't have to endure the ordeal once again."

A sniff and a soft sob was heard through the phone line.

"Thanks Baek, you are a really good friend."

After that phone call, it's as if a burden has been lifted in Kyungsoo's heart. Knowing Baek is always there for him.

A few days later, Junmyeon met with him and apologized repeatedly. They hugged and both cried. But Junmyeon felt really sorry for Kyungsoo about all the things he saw in Paris, about Jongin and Anya. Tears kept flowing in Kyungsoo's eyes, sadness mirrored in those sad orbs.

"It has also been my fault, Junmyeon. I have been so clingy and insecure. I realized I have been so immature and nagged him a lot. In my defense, I never knew about the audition in his finals but that doesn't excuse my behavior back then. Since he is with a girl right now, I guess I really was just a glitch in his life, a youthful experiment, an experience." Kyungsoo mutters sadly.

"No! I really think Jongin truly loved you back then." Junmyeon vehemently said.

"I guess he did. He did love me in his own way, but our love wasn't strong enough, I reckon." Kyungsoo's smile is bittersweet.

*****

Life went on…

Baek continues to bug him to go out with him and enjoy life but he finds more comfort in just going to the training center for his job, then going home to relax. He finds life peaceful that way. Simple and uncomplicated. Albeit too quiet and lonely.

He never knew that his peaceful and quiet life would be shaken to the core.

*****

His reverie was abruptly interrupted by a hand on his shoulder.

Baekhyun.

Thinking about the past has intensified his second thoughts. 

"I don't think I can-" Kyungsoo's doubtful words were interrupted by Baek who was anticipating this.

"No, Kyungie. They wanted to see you. They truly understand what happened in the past. They all missed you." Baek gave Kyungsoo a reassuring smile.

Reluctantly, Kyungsoo followed Baek to his car.

Arriving at the venue, Baek informed him they booked a private room so they can all talk and eat at ease.  
Knowing Baek is a celebrity, Kyungsoo could understand the need for privacy.

They hardly opened the doors of the car when a somber faced Chanyeol greeted them. His hug to Kyungsoo was warm along with the "I missed you, Shortie." but it seems there was something bothering the gentle giant friend of theirs. Junmyeon suddenly appeared beside him, ushering him away from Baek and Chan. But not before he heard Chan whispering to Baek saying "We have a problem…"

As he entered the private dining room, somebody shouted:

"Kyungsoo!"

And he saw a figure barreling towards him and enveloped him with a warm hug. Suddenly, there were several arms hugging him, even Minseok and Yixing hyung who were always reserved, joined the pile.

He felt so loved. Never felt this much love in a long time. Sehun, who is the maknae, attached himself next to Kyungsoo and observed his every move. Until he became self-conscious and rubbed his scar. Realizing his mistake he tried covering it with his hand but Sehun gently took it away.

"Don't look, it's ugly…" Kyungsoo tried to cover his scar again. He should have worn a beanie. 

"No hyung, you are still pretty. This doesn't change that." The tears that constantly try to spill, flowed freely at Sehun's sincere words. Sehun hugged his hyung. Sehun always wanted to be close to Kyungsoo hyung but Jongin always hoarded his attention. Although he's not interested in a romantic way, he always wanted a brother like Kyungsoo hyung.

During that hug there was a commotion at the door and suddenly there was silence. Curious, Kyungsoo tried to lift his head but a gentle hand stopped him. And Sehun whispered in his ear:

" Sorry hyung, we truly didn't know he was coming. Don't worry I'll protect you, just play along." 

After saying that, Sehun kissed his almost bald head and removed his hand. It was then he saw why the room became silent. Jongin is there, with Anya in tow.

Jongin was staring at him then at Sehun who had his arm around his shoulder. Feeling self-conscious he raised his hand to cover his scar, but Sehun gave him a tiny shake of his head. Then Sehun whispered:

"Let him see what you went through."

Then Sehun smiled gently at him.

Junmyeon cleared his throat and tried to break the awkwardness.

"Uh, Jongin,h-how did you know we were here?"

Jongin snapped from his staring at Kyungsoo and tried to focus on what Junmyeon was saying.

"Ah, um… I was at the airport. I wanted to surprise you guys so I asked Chanyeol where he was. Surprisingly he haid you are all gathered here. So I went here directly wanting to surprise you all but I guess I was the one surprised huh?" Jongin's jaw suddenly clenched along with his hand forming a fist. 

"So when did that person contact you all?" Jongin nodded at Kyungsoo's direction.

"He suddenly disappears without a word, worrying us all, then when he shows up all is fine and dandy?" Jongin snorted, "what the f*ck is wrong with you guys? He literally abandoned our friendship. Then he suddenly shows up expecting everything will be fine? F*ck you Kyungsoo!"

"Enough, Jongin." Yixing's voice held a warning tone, which usually when he uses that, everyone obeys. But it seems Jongin was not finished.

"No hyung, he needs to hear what an asshole he is. So now you're gonna trap Sehun in pitying you? You look close right now, have you slept together yet?"

At that last statement, Sehun couldn't take it anymore. The others were shocked into silence but not Sehun. He got up and planted a fist on Jongin's smirking face.

Sehun is so angry that his face is red and his whole body is shaking.

"Stop blabbering about something you know nothing about. You know nothing about what Kyungsoo hyung went through. You see that scar on his forehead? Hah! You know NOTHING! You are the world's biggest asshole, not Kyungsoo hyung. F*ck you!" Sehun pulled Kyungsoo and protected him with an arm around the elder's shoulder and went out of the dining room.

After Sehun and Kyungsoo left, everyone looked accusingly at Jongin.

"What?" Jongin laughed. "I just told him the truth. No need to look at me like I'm the bad guy here. He really is an asshole for abandoning us all without a word."

"Look here Jongin. Everyone here knows what really happened back then. So don't go talking shit about things you don't know… You also haven't been communicating with us for a year, something happened and situations have changed." Minseok trying to reason out with Jongin.

"You let a puny scar sway you? Is that all it takes to blow away the worry and heartache he has brought upon us?" At Jongin's making light at what happened to Kyungsoo, Baek really had to say some things.

"Puny? Yes that scar is tiny compared to the others he had. That is the only one visible. He never wears sleeveless clothing because some of his scars on his upper arms and shoulders are severe. Did you know he had to go and risk his life that time he disappeared to take care of his sick mom? His step dad is homophobic and at one time almost beat him to death. He couldn't contact us because his stepfather confiscated his phone and wallet. By the time he escaped again, he said he was too late. You left already. He lived in the slums and almost like a homeless man because he feels he is not worthy to come back to us. He refused to ask for help even though he's freezing in that dump he called his home. It was only me who forced him to come. I gave him the royalties he got from his song and just recently told the gang about him because he refused to let them know. He didn't want to be pitied. He was almost broken beyond repair emotionally when I found him. He's always skittish and ready to bolt. He flinches at the slightest touch, too scared tha someone will hurt him again. And now you have ruined the work I have been doing trying to heal him, trying to bring back the old Kyungie. You are one heartless person, Jongin."

The quiet was deafening after Baekhyun's speech. The heaviness of the hurt that Kyungsoo went through came to haunt them again.

"I have said everything, I'm gonna find Kyungie." Baekhyun left without a backward glance.

Anya, who has been quiet all these time, pulled at the hem of Jongin's shirt. "I think I need to go so you all can talk." She smiled at Jongin, "I'll be at my mom's house. Call me ok?"

As Anya heads to the door, Yixing accompanies her. "I'll call a cab for you."

As soon as Anya went out of the door, Jongin suddenly slid to the floor and cried. Not silent tears but full blown heartbreaking sobs.

He cried for the love he had lost, for the suffering Kyungsoo had undergone, for the hurt his spiteful words inflicted on Kyungsoo. He cried and cried and cried…

He cried until he had no more tears to shed. Jongin suddenly felt weak and ready to faint. 

"Here drink this."

Junmyeon handed him an open bottle of water to which he gulped greedily.

While he cried everyone was silent. Some offer comfort by rubbing his back or a pat on his shoulder. None of them judged him. They knew he got hurt in the past too.

As he calmed down, Jongdae asked an important question.

"What will you do now?"

He answered the obvious.

"We both need to talk."

"What about Anya?" Chanyeol asks.

Jongin sighed. 

"I don't even know the answer to that."

*****

Saying they need to talk is the first step. But Jongin couldn't even move forward because Kyungsoo refused to see him, let alone talk.

"Sorry but he won't see you. He said, he's fine and you are happy now. And there is really nothing to talk about." Baek said firmly. He has heard about Jongin breaking down after he left but still, his heart goes out to Kyungsoo.

"But there is a lot to talk about. At least tell him to let me apologize in person. I won't take much of his time. Just let me at least talk to him face to face." Jongin is desperate. Grasping at any straws he could find.

Baek shook his head. "I even asked him about that. Told him he should at least let you apologize." Baek took a deep breath, reluctant to tell Jongin what Kyungsoo had said.

"And his answer?" Jongin is afraid of what Baek would say. Based on how reluctant Baek seems, it means it's not good.

"Give him time, Jongin. He's still recovering." Baek tries to divert Jongin but he is adamant.

"His answer, tell me…"

"H-he said, why apologize? When you meant every word… but Jongin, I think it's just the hurt talking, just give him time." Baek tries to comfort Jongin, seeing the pain marred his eyes and biting of his lips to keep from crying out. Jongin seems to really regret everything he has said.

"No, Baek. It's his right to say that. I hurt him because of Anya. But… but Baek, Anya is… she's… she's not Kyungsoo. She was there when Kyungsoo was not but… she's still not Kyungsoo…" Jongin can't explain it well but that sums it up.

"So you still love him?" Baek had to ask.

"Yes…" the answer was immediate. There was never a doubt.

"But what will happen to Anya?"

Jongin looked at his shuffling foot. A nervous tick has started, shaking his right leg.

"I don't know. I don't wanna hurt her because she has really been good to me but I really don't know…" Jongin whispered his doubt. 

*****

He has resorted to stalking.

After much pestering, a very reluctant Junmyeon told him that Kyungsoo's work is near Universe Cafe. And Kyungsoo frequently has meetings there with his clients.

He went and scouted the area. The only possible workplace there was SM Agency and Music Studios. Makes sense since Kyungsoo is a music major. He decided to wait. 3 lattes later, a very tired Kyungsoo emerged from the front doors of the agency. Followed by a youngster who keeps on talking and looks like pleading. 

"Teacher please, just 15 minutes more. I promise I'll be able to hit that note." He heard the youngster say. He's hidden near the ornamental post, trying to eavesdrop.

"I told you Minhyuk, we will do it in your next session." Kyungsoo was obviously fed up with the kid.

"But Teacher, my mom said I need to make sure I got a check on my progress on higher keys. I need it please." Young Minhyuk pleads.

"I'll tell you what, I'll call your mom and talk to her about your good progress okay? So she need not pressure you to do things faster than the rest." The kid seemed pacified with Kyungsoo's answer and said goodbye with a smile.

He was surprised when Kyungsoo started walking towards the more residential area of the street. After about a 10 minute walk, Kyungsoo turned to a residential building. He needs to act now because the building might have tight security.

"Soo?" Jongin automatically used his nickname for Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo stopped, with a sigh turned to him.

"I was wondering when will you have the courage to talk. I knew you were at the studio and followed me home." Kyungsoo has always been blunt and straight to the point.

Jongin's cheeks tinged pink and he scratched his nape in embarrassment. 

"I was really trying to find a way for you to talk to me without you being angry at me."

"Let's go in… the security is getting an earful of gossip material as it is." Kyungsoo surprised Jongin with the offer of going to his house. And he's not about to hesitate in accepting it.

Kyungsoo's house is modest. Just right for a quiet single man who is not fond of entertaining. There is a big area conjoining the living room and kitchen divided by a breakfast bar that serves as his dining table. A comfortable sofa and a large tv was situated in the middle of the living room and there is a small desk near the window and also a small bookshelf near it filled with books about music. And a guitar at the corner. That must be his work area.

"This is nice and cozy." Jongin comments as Kyungsoo motions him to sit.

"You mean small and cramped." Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.

"No really, it's nice and neat. Really cozy after a hard working day." Jongin said sincerely.

"It was the only thing I could afford with the royalties of my composed song." The owner of the house shrugs. "Would you like some tea?"

"Water is fine, I wouldn't want to bother you much." When Kyungsoo came back with glasses of water for each of them, Jongin asked what he was curious about. "Why don't you compose again? Seems you are good enough for people to buy your songs."

Kyungsoo looked at him straight in the eye, "Because I can't. Not anymore."

An echo of the past conversation rang in Jongin's ears.

"This song is so good! Soo, how could you write a song this beautiful?"

"Because you are my inspiration. You are my only muse."

Jongin stared at the water inside his glass, trying to find words on how to convey his thoughts to Kyungsoo. How to sincerely apologize.

But Kyungsoo cut to the chase. Going directly to the point of their talk...

"Do you love her?" There was no question on who Kyungsoo meant.

"She was there when you were not, but..."

"Do you love her?" Again the question.

"She made me happy when I was lonely, but…" Another evasion.

"One last time Jongin, DO YOU LOVE HER?" This time, he thinks Kyungsoo is at the end of his rope.

"She is not you, Soo. So I don't think so. No. " Jongin answered as truthfully as he could.

"You can't be doing this Jongin. You can't do this to the both of us. This is WRONG!"

"She makes me happy, Soo. She comforts me when I am down and sad. But Soo, she is not you. I could never love her as much as I love you." Jongin is trying his best, he really is… but he couldn't convey his thoughts coherently. He wanted to tell Kyungsoo how much he loves him but the last few months of their relationship before was sad and stressful. And he has found happiness and comfort in Anya's company. Happiness? Yes. Love? No.

"But you are happy now." Kyungsoo's smile is bittersweet. "That's all I could ever ask for. I was too toxic for you. I was full of hang-ups and insecurities. I made you miserable in our love. I only wish for your happiness. Upon seeing that, then I could let you go."

"No! No please Soo… I love you, I truly and honestly love you. Please… Please…" Jongin walked up to Kyungsoo, holding the later's face gently in between his hands. He missed this, he missed him, his love, his Soo. Slowly he inched their lips closer, giving time for Kyungsoo to say no, but to Jongin's surprise he was met halfway. At first it was chaste, testing the waters, learning the shape of each other's lips once again. Jongin couldn't take it anymore, he licked the seams of Soo's lips, tongue seeking entry, which Kyungsoo gave gladly.

The kiss was sweet, carnal and wet.  
But when Jongin's hands began to roam near his butt, Kyungsoo pulled away. 

"We can't. Not while you are tied to another." Kyungsoo rubbed his face in mortification. He almost lost it, his hold on reality. 

"Leave Jongin, before we do something we'll both regret and hurt the person who gave you happiness." Kyungsoo turned to face the window, looking sightlessly outside.

"No! Soo, we can't part ways like this. Let's talk some more. We can solve this." Desperation drove him to plead and beg. He went down on his knees hugging Kyungsoo's waist. "I won't give up on us…"

The latter placed a hand on his shoulder and tried to push him gently away.

Then he heard the most painful thing from Kyungsoo's lips, knowing in his heart that it has some truth in it…

"But Jongin, you already gave up on us. The day you went to Anya was the day you let go of our love."

Jongin dropped his hands from Kyungsoo's waist to his sides in defeat. The smaller man stepped away and headed towards his bedroom. Before entering he gave his last words:

"I trust you to leave and lock the door after I give you 10 minutes to compose yourself. I hope you'll always be happy with her."

After that the bedroom door closed and there was a sound of finality as the lock clicked shut when he left the house.

*****

Nobody has seen Jongin for a week. Anya told Chanyeol that they were supposed to fly back to Paris in 3 days but Jongin is nowhere to be found.

The next day, Anya received a text from Jongin, telling her he's fine and he won't be going back to Paris. That she's to go without him. And that he's sorry.

A lone tear fell from Anya's eye…

Anya knew that someday it would come to this. She knew Jongin's heart was not really hers. Most of the time their talks would bring them to the topic about Kyungsoo. There were also times in bed that he would whisper "Soo" and not her name. She made a gamble and she lost. The odds weren't even in her favor in the first place. 

Steeling herself from the pain that pierced her heart, she sent him her last message:

"I've always known your heart belongs to him. Go back to Kyungsoo. I am setting you free. Be happy."

*****

Jongin feels guilty for hurting someone who has tried her best to love him and give him happiness. But what can he do? At this point, he doesn't deserve either Kyungsoo or Anya. He both hurt them and made them suffer.

The small apartment he has rented in haste upon leaving Kyungsoo's place smelled of stale sweat and liquor. He can't go back to his parent's house looking like a wreck that he was. He has been holed up here for a week now. Wallowing in guilt and self-pity. Drinking till he passed out. Wake up, order pizza then drink again. The vicious cycle repeats itself again and again. At some point before his battery ran out, Chanyeol called trying to find out where he was. He spouted something that's near to his address and hung up.

What he didn't know was his friends are looking for him day in and day out for almost a week now. Worried on what happened to him.

*****

After Jongin left, Kyungsoo became restless. He still loves Jongin. But as long as he is tied to that girl, they would never be together. He pulled up the app of his keyboard on his laptop, then armed with a pen and paper, he began to write.

Thus the song, Call Me When It's Over, was born.

I heard you’re seeing someone new  
And I hope (s)he treats you good  
But if I dare to tell the truth  
Hope it don’t go the way it should  
Hope (s)he don’t treat you like I could

[Chorus]  
So call me when it’s over  
Tell me when you’re done  
And I can be the, I can be the shoulder  
The shoulder to cry on, a heart to rely on

[Post-Chorus]  
(Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)  
(Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)

[Verse 2]  
I know at times I made mistakes  
Wish I could blow them all away  
Won’t you believe me when I say  
I’m so much better now I’ve changed?  
I’ve only got myself to blame, mmm

*****

"Baek, I need you to do this for me please. Sing this, please. Sent a demo to you."

This was the message Baek received from Kyungie. Does this mean he's writing again?

After hearing the demo, he was caught off guard.

This suits Kyungsoo better. The runs and falsetto… he's one damned good singer.

He sent a reply.

"You sing it. You have done a better job of singing it than I ever will."

And another.

"Is this for Jongin? You know we haven't found him yet. Maybe if he heard you sing it, he'll come round."

And another.

"Come on Kyungie, I'll let you be a guest performer on my YouTube channel."

Eventually, Baek had his way. They even roped in Chanyeol to play the guitar for them. After much practice they finally recorded, edited and uploaded it…

Then after that, Kyungsoo got a call.

*****

Booze ran out a couple of days ago. He was so wasted then that he had vomited what little food he had. Miserable, he just refused to get up. Next morning he woke up to a headache and growling of his tummy. And oh god, the stench. Stale booze, vomit and sweat, he retched but came up empty. Too weak to do anything he grabbed a bottle of water and downs it in one go… no food. The need to go to the store is a priority. Then he smells himself. Nope, bath first.

After his shower he almost felt like a human being again. He moved like he was an automatic pilot. Not thinking, just moving. Picking up empty bottles and cans to throw in the trash and opening up the windows to get rid of the awful smell. Mopping the floors. Anything to take his mind off the hurt.

"Keys, wallet… jacket." he chants as he gets ready to go out to buy food.

The sun hurts his eyes, it's been two weeks more or less when he went out.

Entering the small convenience store, he immediately went to get several packs of ramen and some canned meat. Passing by the booze section, his hand hovered at the refrigerator handle. He took a deep breath and passed by, opting instead to get a box of apple juice and several bottles of water.

Upon reaching the counter, the cashier was too engrossed in watching something from his phone to see him.

Jongin cleared his throat…

"Uh, excuse me?"

"Oh, sorry… it's just this new video of Baekhyun is so good. His songwriter friend is the one singing, and he's so good." As the cashier put down his phone Jongin saw a bespectacled almost bald head person on the screen. That's Kyungsoo!

As the cashier finishes ringing up his purchases, he took the courage to ask:

"Is that in Baekhyun's Youtube channel?"

The cashier smiled, "Oh yes, are you a fan too?" But Jongin just smiled and said thanks.

Arriving at his doorstep, he fumbled with his keys and punched the wrong code on his electronic lock. After a few tries, he finally opened the door. After dumping his purchases on the floor he went to hunt for his charger and dead phone.

Kyungsoo is on Baek's youtube channel. He hates performing though, so why? 

Waiting for his phone to get enough power for him to open it feels like years instead of minutes. At last it opened but… what the hell? He is bombarded with tons of notification that his phone froze for a while. Only the constant pinging of the notification bell could be heard for another few minutes.

After the agonizing wait, his phone starts working again. Opening Baek's channel was easy since he subscribed. There on the top of the list was the man he missed the most. Reading the description, it says that Kyungsoo is Baek's best friend who is also a songwriter, a music tutor and recently a vocal coach. He has written this song for someone who really needs to hear it.

Then he saw the title: Call Me When It's Over.

He's too scared to hope, that's why he's hesitant to open the video.

The beat is not too sad but the meaning brought tears to his eyes.

Is it just that simple? To call him when it's over between him and Anya?

Jongin is anxious and scared. 

It couldn't be that simple… 

He couldn't be that easy to forgive…

But he has no pride left, all he can do is try…

Dialing that familiar number, his hands shaking… It rang…

Once

Twice

"Hello? Jongin?" A surprised Kyungsoo answered.

"S-soo? C-can we talk again? Please? I… I-" a soft sniffle escaped Jongin as he tried hard not to cry.

"I'll be out of the studio at 5. Can you meet me there, hm?" 

"Yes" was all he could whisper before muffling his sobs with his hand. Soo sounded so gentle. Like pacifying and comforting a hurt child.

Kyungsoo, so sweet and gentle. Does he deserve his love when he has hurt him so bad?

"I'll be there… see you." He sounded like he has a bad cold but Kyungsoo doesn't comment on it and just said:

"I'll be waiting." 

Then hang up.

He cleaned the house. Tried to eat something then looked for something decent to wear. He hasn't done any laundry for the past two weeks. Good thing he didn't change clothes a lot. Hence the really awful smell emerging from his hamper. Disgusted, he dumped the clothes in the washing machine and started the wash. When the clothes are hanged to dry it's almost 4 pm. He hurriedly jumped in the shower and washed himself thoroughly. He shaved and combed his hair to look somewhat decent. He wore a simple checkered shirt, jeans and converse. Kyungsoo loves anything simple ..

Checked if he has his wallet and keys, he took a deep breath, locked his door and left to meet his fate.

He arrived with minutes to spare. So he waited near the entrance.

He was so anxious that a nervous tick began to shake his right leg. To alleviate it he began walking around. He began thinking hard on what to say to Kyungsoo when they meet, but his mind came up blank. 

Jongin was so engrossed in his thinking while looking down when suddenly his path got blocked by a pair of black Vans and legs encased in black jeans. Looking up he sees the bespectacled man looking up at him and smiling gently.

"Walking around like that, with a nervous gait, you looked like my hyung a month ago when his wife was about to give birth." Jongin was surprised by Soo's teasing but got surprised even more when he pulled him by the wrist and said:

"Let's go…" another gentle smile.

"Uh, go where?" Jongin tentatively asks.

"My house of course, unless… do you want us to go to your house and talk?" Kyungsoo inquired with an eyebrow lift.

"Uh, no. Your house is fine, my place is a bit far."

"Right. That's settled then, come on." Again he was pulled by the wrist by this small squishy human. Pulling an almost 6 feet male who looks like he's walking to his funeral.

"God, Jongin, can you walk any faster? I can't pull you all the way home. Are you scared? I'm not gonna kill you there, you know? So stop behaving like I'm pulling you to your grave." The sharp words woke him.

"Sorry, I'm just so nervous, my legs feel like they're weighed down. Just slow down for a bit."

The 10 minute walk to Kyungsoo's house became 15, all due to Jongin's stiff and shaky legs. Arriving in the house, Jongin collapses on the sofa before Kyungsoo could gesture for him to take a seat. The latter chuckled and went to the kitchen to get a couple of glasses of water for them.

"Sorry can't offer you anything, I need to visit the supermarket. My cupboards are in need of replenishment."

"Uh, it's fine…" Now that he's here, he doesn't know what to say or where to begin. He can't seem to find the words as his throat swells and tears gather in his eyes. His tongue felt like stone, dry and heavy. He took a gulp of water.

Kyungsoo seems to know his dilemma and takes pity on him.

"You saw the video? You did call me. And yes, the song is for you. As I've said in the song, I've made mistakes but I'm better now." A gentle smile on those heart shaped lips.

Those words broke Jongin. 

"Noooo… don't say that. How can you say that? It is I who made so many mistakes. It is I who did you wrong, all I did was hurt you. How can you be so good, so forgiving? I don't deserve you, Soo."

Kyungsoo was surprised when Jongin kneeled. But instead of facing him, his face almost touched his knees. Sobs wracking his body.

Jongin is grovelling. Full of humility.

"I am so sorry for the words I said to you before. About you and Sehun, about the way you disappeared, about your scar. When Baekhyun threw at my face the facts about you, I was so ashamed. My heart was in pain. I think that time Anya knew. She left me with Junmyeon and the others so I could break down and cry. I have hurt her but I think she understood. She urged me to find you. But I was so ashamed. I feel I don't deserve you both so I hid and wallowed in self-pity and self-hate. I drank so much, I don't even know if it is day or night. I'm so sorry Kyungsoo. Even if you could forgive me, I could never forgive myself."

As Jongin's face almost touches the floor, Kyungsoo couldn help but cry. Jongin who always stood tall and proud, who takes pride in his graceful dancing, is now humbled, haunched and on the floor grovelling. He himself kneeled in front of Jongin, held his shoulders to pick him up and hug him tightly.

"No, don't do this… you don't need to do this. I forgave you a long time ago. Anya has talked to me before going to Paris. She and I, we made our peace. She said she knew that you have always loved me and that she held onto you as long as you'd let her but she had always known you were never hers. She even asked for my forgiveness for being so selfish. We talked, cried and made our peace."

Kyungsoo almost couldn't breathe, Jongin was hugging him like he would disappear any minute. 

"Shhhh… everything is fine now Nini… shhh…." Kyungsoo rubs Jongin's back trying to comfort the crying man. Eventually the sobs quietened and only occasional hiccups could be heard.

"Nini?" Kyungsoo felt rather than saw the smile Jongin made at the crook of his neck at his use of the old endearment he uses for Jongin. "You ok now?"

"No…" Now he felt a pout. Smiling secretly he decides to play a bit.

"Oh, I was going to say now we have settled things we should, um, take this to the bed but if you wanna just hug then…" as fast as lightning, Jongin raised his head and…

Saw a laughing Kyungsoo.

"That was fast…" the latter said giggling. But the giggling stopped when he saw Jongin's serious face. 

Kyungsoo's face was enclosed with large warm hands. There was pure sincerity in Jongin's eyes when he uttered the words he longed to hear for quite a while.

"I love you, Do Kyungsoo. I always have and always will. We may have ups and downs or petty fights but my heart will always come back to you... Always." 

Then Jongin smiled. "Now we can go to bed."

"Hey mister! You don't wanna know my answer to your love confession?" Kyungsoo playfully stalled the man trying to kiss him 

Jongin laughed…

"You already said it when you told me to take this to bed."

What?!?! Kyungsoo's eyes became round. What is he talking about?

As Jongin sits on the sofa and pulls the shocked Kyungsoo on his lap, he recounts the event on their first ever confession.

"Remember the first time I told you I like you?"

"No. Because I was drunk then…" Kyungsoo huffs his displeasure.

Jongin giggles at the reaction of the person wriggling on his lap. 

"Ah yes… you don't remember. That time when I told you I liked you, your answer was, again I quote: Took you a damned long time. I like you too, now take me to bed. End of quote. And just now you told me it's settled and we should take this to bed so I assumed that's your love confession. Now stop wriggling because I might finish before we even start." 

Kyungsoo blushed and sat still. Then tried to scramble off Jongins lap. But the latter held on and let the former straddle his hips. When their crotch rubbed as they settled, both shuddered with want. Lips clashed, sloppy and wet. The pent up desire for each other suddenly flows like hot lava. Burning and explosive. Jongin licks Kyungsoo's neck, gently sucking on the moles peppered there, moving to take off his boyfriend's shirt, the smaller man froze. "My scars, they're ugly" Kyungsoo says woth sorrow and shame in his eyes. "No, you are still you, my Kyungsoo, my love, your scars just made me admire you even more for being so brave." Jongin sincerely says. Then swiftly removes the smaller man's shirt then his own. Kissing and licking even the scars that peppers the milky white skin of his boyfriend. Kissing sloppily, breathing hitched as his hands are busy kneading and pushing his boyfriend's jean covered butt on his hard crotch. Not enough! They both stood and removed their jeans and Jongin impatiently settled Kyungsoo on his lap again after sitting.

"Ahh… Nini, I...oh..ahhh!" An onslaught of feelings attacked Kyungsoo as Jongin grinds upward. His nipples sensitized to the licking and gentle nips of Jongin, crotch rubbing creates shudders of wanting more. When Jongin wet his long fingers with spit to apply gentle ministration on his puckered hole, massaging and circling it. Then one long finger slid in, his moan was so loud that he tried to muffle it by biting Jongin's shoulder.

"Don't try to suppress it Soo, moan for me baby… you sound so sexy." Jongin says as his finger moves around inside, hunting for that sweet spot he found years ago. When he found it, he pressed it, which made Kyungsoo jerk and moan.

"Jongin… nini.. please… more. Ah, MORE!"

Jongin slid another finger but Kyungsoo shook his head.

"More… I...I want you...inside… me."

"But Soo, baby, I only have 2 fingers inside, If I enter you now it would hurt." Jongin wanted him too much but he wouldn't want to hurt Soo so he held back.

"I don't care. I want you right now. Please." Kyungsoo begs.

"You have lube? Bedroom?" Jongin asks as he carries Kyungsoo, fingers still buried in his boyfriend's ass. He wants to stretch him as much as he can.

"Yes, hurry… bedside drawer."as he gently laid Kyungsoo on the bed, he removed his fingers from that warm hole which made Kyungsoo moan again.

"Hnggg… please Nini…"

Jongin hurriedly coats his fingers generously with lube and with his other hand, takes off his boxers. There sprang his cock so hard it almost hurt. He hissed when cool air hit his sensitized cock. And he bit his lip when the cool lube touched him as he spread it generously on the hard shaft.

Again he preps Kyungsoo, spreading lube inside stretching and pushing on that sensitive bundle of nerves that made his boyfriend scream:

"No more please, I want you… now… please…"

Jongin aligned his shaft teasing the gaping hole by sliding the head around it as he gave Kyungsoo open mouthed, sloppy kisses. As he tried to slide in… he couldn't.

"Ah, Soo, baby… f*ck you're too tight."

"Oh… ahhhh… ahhh… hnggg. Damn it, I've forgotten how big you are, ahhh...ugh!"

"Ya want me to stop, baby? Umf!"

"I'll kill you if you stop now, damn it just push it in… ahhh shit! Finally! Oh...god, yes….oh wait… stop ummmph. Stay still for awhile."

Jongin stilled his movement, waiting for Kyungsoo to adjust to his size.

"Are you ok, baby? Soo?"

"M fine… you can move now, oh… OH, ahhhh, yes… faster please, oh shit! There… press there… f*ck… ahhh! Shit, shit… I feel so full, f*ck… hnnggg!"

Kyungsoo was always a bit noisy in bed and Jongin finds it hot. All that moaning and groaning tells him that his boyfriend loves what he's doing. And that turns him on. Sweat streaming on his face and back, he grunts as he moves faster, the pace same with his hand that holds Kyungsoo shaft. Slaps of skin on skin as he rammed into the tight hole could be heard, along with sultry moans of delight from both of them, escalating on muffled screams of ecstasy as they reached the peak of their joining, spilling the nectar of fulfilment.

Growling tummies woke them up. Both snuggling under the covers, arms and legs intertwined.

Jongin's sleepy yawn greeted the morning and Kyungsoo tried to move to get up. Arms snaked around his waist.

"Nini…"

"No… stay" came the sleepy reply.

"But I need to go to the bathroom and we don't have food here, we need to get up." Kyungsoo persuades his clingy boyfriend who could pass as a clingy baby bear at this point.

"Don't care. Just stay."

When Kyungsoo turned to face Jongin, his eyes were wide awake and serious.

"I love you… will you stay by my side?"

"Damn it Jongin, so early in the morning..." 

Glancing at the bedside clock says it's almost noon. 

"Oh, um, almost noon. But you know too well that I hate to say these cheesy stuff."

Jongin's eyes averted, looking disappointed. Removing the arms around his waist.

"Hey now, why the long face? You know how I feel. I even slept with you." Eyes still averted, Jongin pulled out a pout… and that pout always gets him somewhere with Kyungsoo.

Exasperated, the latter hid his face in his hands. Trying to contain his embarrassment.

"Damn you, Jongin. I'll say this just once so listen well…"

"Look at me." Holding the hands that's covering his boyfriend's face, Jongin tries to pull it away.

"No, I can't do it while looking at you." Came the muffled reply behind the hands.

"Ok I have an idea that would work."

Taking Kyungsoo in his arms and placed his face on his neck while they hugged, naked bodies and all.

Jongin could feel Kyungsoo's blush as the skin on his boyfriend's face heated as it lay on his neck.

"Now instead of seeing you, I'll be able to feel what you say as your lips touch my neck. It would be more meaningful, right?" Jongin said with a smile. And he felt a tiny nod.

"Jongin? Nini?" A tiny voice muffled by his neck which he could barely hear, reached his ears.

"Yeah?"

"I… I… I l-love... y-you. I a-always have and always w-will." 

Sweet words he felt, not just on his skin but it went straight to his heart. The cute stuttering will always remind him how Kyungsoo tried his best to express how he feels for him.

He hugged the love of his life so tight. He will never again let this beautiful sweet man go. 

A tummy growl and a chuckle broke the romantic haze that surrounds them. Kyungsoo disengaged himself from Jongin's arms.

"Time to feed the zoo in your tummy. Shower and grocery shopping is the priority." 

Nope… not mine, Jongin tells himself.

Kyungsoo squealed as Jongin lifted him up to go to the shower. 

"I can multitask while showering…" Jongin smirks as he enters the shower with Kyungsoo and lets him slide down to the growing hardness that made the latter moan.

Unfortunately for their hungry tummies, the grocery shopping came later…

Much, much later…

"Ordering food and paying online is not too bad when you want to spend all day and night in bed. Just tell them to leave the food outside the door after ringing the doorbell." Jongin muses as he munches on a slice of pizza. Butt naked as they take a break from *ahem* staying in bed all day. 

Kyungsoo barely eats half of his slice when Jongin lifts him up in his arms.

"Break over…"

Kyungsoo squeals and swats his boyfriend's shoulder to no avail.

But secretly he loves being tumbled to the bed again.

Only moans and muffled screams could be heard again for a few hours till their pizza became cold and rubbery. But no one complained when they took a break and ate again. Because they were sated and full in more ways than one...

*-Fin-*

**Author's Note:**

> Please, if you have questions or just wanna say hi, I'm on twitter: @joyeuxsoo
> 
> Kudos and comments keeps me going and are very much appreciated.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading ❤️😊


End file.
